The E*TRADE baby has been a Super Bowl mainstay since 2008 and although the original baby has retired, a new investment-savvy infant has stepped in to fill his baby booties. We recently sat down with the pudgy little guy for an exclusive interview to discuss the fast-paced life of America’s favorite talking tot.
1. What’s up, baby? Thanks for agreeing to spend some time with us.
2. So what’s it like being the “new baby?” Are you adjusting to the fame and fortune?
It can be awkward at times. Everyone looks at you like, shouldn’t you be at a photo shoot or something? I’m just a regular guy with a regular life. I put my diaper on the same way you do. Oh, wait, scratch that last part.
3. What advice did the old baby give you about stepping in and doing his job?
Eh, not too much. Told me not to let the fame get to my head. Told me to plan for retirement, it comes quicker than you think. Told me to do it all on E*TRADE because, and I quote, “diversification is king, Sanchez.” Yah whatever … he’s a wise dude but I dance to my own drummer.
4. Will you be at the Big Game?
Yep. Everyone’s daring me to streak across the football field buck naked. I am told it can only help my future political career.
5. We have to ask… you can talk, you can use a computer, you’re even buying and selling stock online. How are you doing with the whole “potty training” thing?
You know what they say at E*TRADE, you gotta take control; liberate yourself – they’re talking finance and investing, but you know, they’re words to live by really.
6. I noticed you have a BabyMail app that lets people send personal messages using you and other babies as the voice. It seems like if you have bad news to tell someone, having a baby deliver it might help soften the blow, would it not?
In this economy, if I can soften the blow to anything (while touting the virtues of E*TRADE), I will be a success. And yes, BabyMail is the best way to break up with your girlfriend. Having your heart broken is much easier when it comes from a pudgy little nub that makes googley sounds.
7. You clearly have America by the heartstrings, but not everyone is a fan of your work. Anything you’d like to say to your critics in response?
We mock what we do not understand. I always say “Don’t hate the player, hate the game,” you know what I’m sayin?
8. Well, thanks for hanging out with us and doing this interview, and good luck in SpotBowl!
The pleasure is all mine. And if you’re gonna post a picture of me with this interview or something lame like that, make sure it’s not a profile shot. My chin is nonexistent. Rock the Vote people!
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